Too many things to say, too lazy to type...

Valentines Day...

2011-02-14T23:18:00.002+08:00

When girls and boys come out to play, there is love in the air...
Where there is love, there is no war...
The lack of love breeds judgement, hatred and contempt...
Haters... they may just be men who do not know of the tenderness of a womans love,
and women who are starved of the love of a man...
......Don't be a hater, just love and let love...

Happy Valentines Day...

Newness...

2011-02-14T23:05:00.002+08:00

Hi, its been like forever since I've updated this blog, more than a year now, but I have much to say, although not neccessarily feeling like typing them out and publishing them in the blogosphere here...

Neways, life has changed, things changed. I, having been in the dance and teaching profession, I'm really feeling it now. I can now see that dance is a very important part of me that cannot be taken away from me. And teaching, with the kids I work with everyday, with the opportunity to polish my delivery, refine my craft, share my vision, and contribute to the lives of some of the children... it really is a very rewarding experience on its own.

Some things took tragic turns... but its nothing that I cannot handle. All is still good, albeit difficult to live with. Living with that eyesore for a year now, not all is bad. I have taught myself to be stronger, better... and I am pushing myself to be a better person everyday, and to be a better person is always a good thing.

And along with that, I'm seeing myself more clearly now. Seeing myself for who I am, what I truly want, what I can potentially do, even what I could do now. I, am going through a process of self empowerment. I'll keep growing and growing. I'm not perfect, but I'll grow.

And with that, I now mark the new phase of my blog posts... me, as a dancer, teacher, choreographer. I, am Jennifer, Lai Fung Yen.

It is funny...

2009-12-08T23:05:00.003+08:00

How life can change. Looking back, it all seem so far away now, and so funny I was that upset over something so far away, when I don't even know what lil sweet candies may be installed for me just in front.

But like I've said before, if it is right, it may be difficult, but it will be worth it. :)

Dreams...

2009-09-27T15:57:00.002+08:00

Some dreams are not reachable, or just not meant to be reached. Sometimes, they are better off remaining perfect in dreams, rather than be tainted by the ugliness of reality...

Perhaps, some dreams are meant to just remain as that... dreams.

Indulge in Pure Gastronomical Decadence

2009-09-20T09:52:00.007+08:00

Yesterday, I was at KLCC with my mom and sis, doing our usual weekend shopping rounds. And came across the Godiva outlet, and saw some tempting looking poster of their Chocolixir. Sun said it was really good, but have yet to try it myself. Got exited, then brushed it off, thinking of saving it for another time.

Then, after a few walks, we passed by again, and this time, mom and sis said, "oh c'mon, if you want it, just go get it." So the last defense was broken...

I slipped into the store, cheekily walked up to the waiter, carefully studied the Chocolixir menu, and my taste buds squealed, "Dark Chocolate Decadence"... - "with whipped cream topping?" - "yes(!)", with the grin of a little girl...

Waited giddily as he puts the ice and fine dark chocolates to blend, carefully preparing the chocolate sauce, lacing some inside the cup, laying down the serviette and straw on the counter, shaking up the whipped cream, and as the ice comes to a thorough blend, pours the exquisite mixture out, topping it with cream, and finishing it with drippy chocolate sauce, and laid the delightful chiller on the countertop, I paid the "fine sum", and there... my very first taste of heaven-in-a-cup - with little crunchy bites of chocolates!~... there goes my gastronomical morals...

Pure Sin...

Can you resist the temptation?
I know I can't...

The Rule of the Thumb...

2009-09-20T00:00:00.006+08:00

Yeah, so the thumb rules...

I mean the thumb drive. Gotta give it the credits - here's why.

About 7 years ago, when the thumb drive first became popular here, when 100MB of storage cost about RM300, I thought, "Darn, that was too expensive. I'll wait till the price gets lower." After all, electronics always devalue after awhile. Plus, I didn't need it. I was happy to settle with burning CDs and occasionally the diskette for smaller files (yes I was still using diskettes until computers begin to exclude floppy drives as an essential compartment).

Then, about a year later, the price dropped, to about RM200 for about 200MB of space. I thought, that's still too expensive. I'll wait till the price halves, and the storage doubles. But when the times comes, I thought, I still don't need it that badly and it's still expensive. I'll wait till the price goes below RM20, or till I really need it, then I'll buy.

Well, over the years, the price did dwindle, and the capacity multiplied many folds. The regular range in the market is between 2 to 16 Gig now, though the price have not reached below RM20, but I believe that it has come to a time when I really need it now, so I gave in and got myself a Kingston DT101C/4GB Data Traveller for RM32 after discount, my first thumbdrive after so many year. So finally, thumb won.

Now, when am I gonna get that portable harddisk and laptop?...

Awakening to a new life...

2009-09-06T21:39:00.001+08:00

Just as my handy booklet has come to its last page, so has one chapter of my life... complete with suspense, drama, and interesting surprises...

Just less than a week ago, I have "merdeka-ed" from my old job and celebrated my 25th birthday - a quarter of a century of my existence, a milestone in life. And it has also marked a major turn in my career. The timing couldn't be better...

It is not just a change of job, as I went through a long and thorough thought process. It was about taking responsibility of my own life, of my own happiness, of finally doing something I really wanted to do, not just doing what I think I should do, trying to fit into societal expectations, earning money. Giving up the familiarity of sitting in front of the computer all day, working on 3D Max and Photoshop; from working in the multimedia profession that I studied for, to stepping out in front of kids, trying to make a difference in their lives. I guess I'll miss it somehow, and hope to still keep in touch with some of those skill sets, and that side of me... And thinking about it, I'm thankful for the people who taught me all the cool, nifty tricks of the trade. Keep up the good work!

As I've also gotten a new car, thanks to my dear mom, I'm now practically being put in the driver seat. The choice is now mine, where do I want to go? I never believed in working for the sake of money. While I believe in persuing passions and meaning, I also understand that they still needs to be somehow applicable in our realities. But I also believe that once you are doing the things that you are meant to do, in a place that appreciates what you do, you will be able to do it so well, and shine so bright, that you will eventually be rewarded well for it.

The last few months was a heady and eventful one, with a huge wave of change for not only me, but also alot of people around me. Including my best friend getting married, relationships changing, other colleagues resigning, other friends changing jobs. And when it was my turn, it was all so heady and confusing, and I was more nervous, excited and positively stressed than I had ever been for as long as I can remember. And that was when I suddenly felt alive, gasping for my first breaths of air upon my awakening, emotions overflowing. It made me realise how it is, not to be living in apathy, in depression, but to wake up to reality, to true adulthood, to learning how to take responsibility of my own life, and at the same time realising that I've actually been living like a kid all along. The realisation wasn't all pleasant, but it was good. There used to be no reason to care, but now I do.

And the best part was to feel what it's like to be getting "in the zone", going with the flow, riding the waves of change. It gives you that natural high... and that natural glow. And it's wonderful to feel right, to be able to say from deep within my heart, that "Yes, this is what I want to do!"

Doing the right thing, does not mean that it will always be easy, but it will be worth while. It will not be free from obstacles, but it will be seen as a challenge. It may be difficult to get the ball to start rolling, but once it does, it will keep going. In an interesting twist of fate, I'm actually going to be teaching dance at my school, for they have it as a subject! It seems like destiny is a train, that once you are on the right track, it will take you to the right places.

In the mean time, I've also felt a little more in touch with the people around me. Good friends are few, but are worth keeping in touch with. And I have also finally understood what it means to be loved by someone, and what it means to love someone. I once said that my life is meaningful when I get to reach out to people, to open minds and hearts, sharing knowledge, improving quality of lives, finding each persons true potential. And my spirit feels alive when I get to dance my heart out, and be fed by the essences of unadultered nature. I actually forgot to mention love. It is one of those things that we tend to put in the second place, take for granted, when it is really what we look for all along. The icing on the cake of life. Afterall, what's a cake without the icing? Fruit cake, banana cake, carrot cake? Lol...

In my lifelong search of happiness so far, I have found that I will not be free from sadness, but I can go on as long as I know I am able to feel happiness. That life is not perfect, that we can't be too happy, that ups are still followed by downs, but it can still be good. That even though I cannot single handedly change the world, I can start by doing my own little part, with the little help from people around me.

And people around me, have helped me alot so far, in getting to where I am today. For one, my coach, have been instrumental in facilitating this major change in my life, in pushing me to doing what I feel was meant for me. For making this birthday so meaningful. And ofcourse my mom, who despite all the nonsense she tolerated from me, somehow still believes in me, and then got me that car for my birthday. And ofcourse family, friends and colleagues, people I have known throughout the years, who helped me through the rough patches, who have touched my life deeply, you know who you are, and I couldn't thank you all enough.

Tommorow will be the first day of school, where it all begins. So wish me luck...

Perhaps, in another lifetime...

2009-09-05T12:30:00.003+08:00

There's this story...

Yet another lifetime wasted...

And so you stood over the fence, asking me come over...
"Come in here, this is where its real, this is the truth, this is where it will all happen..."
I said, "No, you come out. It's outside here that is the world, the truth. Can't you see? You've stayed in there for too long, you've been blinded. We both belong out here!"
"You just never listen do you?"
"Why can't you listen to me instead?"
You shook your head, "No... this is the only truth I know... can't you see what I see?"

Pain starts burning in my heart...
"Fine... Perhaps the path we took has been too different. Lets wait for another lifetime then. Or as many lifetimes as it takes... then perhaps, you would understand..."

...but I'll keep searching for you, the balm for the ache of a thousand years...

"But you don't know my truth the way I do..."
"Maybe I can try..."
"No...you never will..."

Fiery Passion...

2009-09-05T00:27:00.004+08:00

Whatever that relies too much on fiery passion will eventually burn, ... as well as fire may eventually burn out.

It is dangerous, it never lasts.

Whatever you do, always bring your brain along...

Just like that and its all over...

2009-08-29T16:08:00.009+08:00

Love is a bitter sweet candy... Never thought it would be so sweet, and yet it hurts so much sometimes... And even if you had known, you'd still eat it.

And as I play a song for you... my Triste Coeur, it has suddenly brought colour to a song I used to love playing, but never understood the meaning of the title or emotion behind it. Sad Heart. I'm surprised its the name of the song that sounded so sweet.

Sometimes, it just makes me wonder.... How often does love has to go one way? Does it ever return?

Edit:
Someone's rendition of Triste Coeur
This was really my favourite piano piece...

That morning, I woke up, and it was drizzling. Lying on my bed curled up sideways, I felt sobs, but it felt like I wasn't alone, especailly when I close my eyes. Don't know why, I just suddenly thought of that song, the song I've not been playing for such a long time, in my sweet melancholy. Sad heart, haha... now I know.

Starting anew

2008-03-29T03:17:00.000+08:00

Its been a long, long white, and as you may have noticed, my VR project page is no longer here. I moved it here. So yeah, this will be my personal page now, maybe I'll be posting other art and stuff.Haven't decided, but it'll most likely be. Since my website at jenncrystal.enhancefilm.com is now down, I'm considering to just be contended to be residing here, at least for the time being. Ok then, thanks for visiting, if any one actually happened to have crashlanded here...

C ya.

Safe place to live in...

2006-01-22T13:27:00.001+08:00

I thought that I'll be spending a boring sunday afternoon cleaning up my room, preparing for the coming Chinese new Year, when I suddenly came here and read some fellow dudes blogs. And at first, something intrests me...http://vulturesrow.blogspot.com/2006/01/day-world-almost-died.html I was like...ooo... i might have never been conceived... Then, back to our own land, something shakens my thoughts... With issues like this, this and errr...(nude squat, anybody??) I'm starting to gets the chills, wondering if our country is still a safe place to live in. They want us to go back to China you see, and they wanna make this the next Afghanistan. (wow...see, those people are holdin hands...ewww....so indecent. Children mustn't see that you know. Or they will learn those bad behaviours and socialise with people from the opposite sex. We must prevent that. Otherwise, they'll have sex with everyone they meet...) And young people should not group together you know... cos they'll have an orgy every oppotuniy they can... US is about to go to war with everyone else who have oil, who is potentially richer than them, someone might hate them so much and nuke their land. Same goes to Britain and Aus for going to war in Iraq with fellow Bush. Anyone other counry might just get hit with a war cos you might own "bioligical weapons", "infringe human rights", "you are a communist" or "you possess nuclear weapons". Otherwise, you might lose your head...literally... for "not being a member of a certain religion" or someday, someone might launch a genocide upon you and your kind of people, simply because, you are not their kind. Sometimes, your same kind abuse you just as bad simply because they want to be "the greatest". Is there any place in the world where its still a safe place to live in? I think there can never be a truly safe place to live in this world. I feel sad for Lt. Col. Stanislav Petrov's eventual life and the death of his wife. Sometimes, dont we just wish the world will just end. Life and love, and anything that you might possess is fragile, so is peace. Therefore, i guess there really isn't much to think about. You just keep fighting for dear life everyday, and be thankful you made it through another day, and smile for all thats still beautiful amists these human chaos. =) Give a smile for peace...