Just as my handy booklet has come to its last page, so has one chapter of my life... complete with suspense, drama, and interesting surprises...
Just less than a week ago, I have "merdeka-ed" from my old job and celebrated my 25th birthday - a quarter of a century of my existence, a milestone in life. And it has also marked a major turn in my career. The timing couldn't be better...
It is not just a change of job, as I went through a long and thorough thought process. It was about taking responsibility of my own life, of my own happiness, of finally doing something I really wanted to do, not just doing what I think I should do, trying to fit into societal expectations, earning money. Giving up the familiarity of sitting in front of the computer all day, working on 3D Max and Photoshop; from working in the multimedia profession that I studied for, to stepping out in front of kids, trying to make a difference in their lives. I guess I'll miss it somehow, and hope to still keep in touch with some of those skill sets, and that side of me... And thinking about it, I'm thankful for the people who taught me all the cool, nifty tricks of the trade. Keep up the good work!
As I've also gotten a new car, thanks to my dear mom, I'm now practically being put in the driver seat. The choice is now mine, where do I want to go? I never believed in working for the sake of money. While I believe in persuing passions and meaning, I also understand that they still needs to be somehow applicable in our realities. But I also believe that once you are doing the things that you are meant to do, in a place that appreciates what you do, you will be able to do it so well, and shine so bright, that you will eventually be rewarded well for it.
The last few months was a heady and eventful one, with a huge wave of change for not only me, but also alot of people around me. Including my best friend getting married, relationships changing, other colleagues resigning, other friends changing jobs. And when it was my turn, it was all so heady and confusing, and I was more nervous, excited and positively stressed than I had ever been for as long as I can remember. And that was when I suddenly felt alive, gasping for my first breaths of air upon my awakening, emotions overflowing. It made me realise how it is, not to be living in apathy, in depression, but to wake up to reality, to true adulthood, to learning how to take responsibility of my own life, and at the same time realising that I've actually been living like a kid all along. The realisation wasn't all pleasant, but it was good. There used to be no reason to care, but now I do.
And the best part was to feel what it's like to be getting "in the zone", going with the flow, riding the waves of change. It gives you that natural high... and that natural glow. And it's wonderful to feel right, to be able to say from deep within my heart, that "Yes, this is what I want to do!"
Doing the right thing, does not mean that it will always be easy, but it will be worth while. It will not be free from obstacles, but it will be seen as a challenge. It may be difficult to get the ball to start rolling, but once it does, it will keep going. In an interesting twist of fate, I'm actually going to be teaching dance at my school, for they have it as a subject! It seems like destiny is a train, that once you are on the right track, it will take you to the right places.
In the mean time, I've also felt a little more in touch with the people around me. Good friends are few, but are worth keeping in touch with. And I have also finally understood what it means to be loved by someone, and what it means to love someone. I once said that my life is meaningful when I get to reach out to people, to open minds and hearts, sharing knowledge, improving quality of lives, finding each persons true potential. And my spirit feels alive when I get to dance my heart out, and be fed by the essences of unadultered nature. I actually forgot to mention love. It is one of those things that we tend to put in the second place, take for granted, when it is really what we look for all along. The icing on the cake of life. Afterall, what's a cake without the icing? Fruit cake, banana cake, carrot cake? Lol...
In my lifelong search of happiness so far, I have found that I will not be free from sadness, but I can go on as long as I know I am able to feel happiness. That life is not perfect, that we can't be too happy, that ups are still followed by downs, but it can still be good. That even though I cannot single handedly change the world, I can start by doing my own little part, with the little help from people around me.
And people around me, have helped me alot so far, in getting to where I am today. For one, my coach, have been instrumental in facilitating this major change in my life, in pushing me to doing what I feel was meant for me. For making this birthday so meaningful. And ofcourse my mom, who despite all the nonsense she tolerated from me, somehow still believes in me, and then got me that car for my birthday. And ofcourse family, friends and colleagues, people I have known throughout the years, who helped me through the rough patches, who have touched my life deeply, you know who you are, and I couldn't thank you all enough.
Tommorow will be the first day of school, where it all begins. So wish me luck...
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